The phrase “Can’t get past the talking stage” is the agonizing heartbreak that plagues the dating scene where both individuals find themselves stuck in a perpetual “watching each other’s stories” phase, leading to a perplexing puzzle of emotions and uncertainties.
1. What is the Talking Stage?
The Talking Stage is that intriguing phase of digital communication, the intriguing “trial dating,” where two people embark on a journey of discovery, delving into the depths of each other’s personalities before even considering the notion of official coupledom.
Imagine this scenario: It’s a picturesque night, and you come to the realization that you’ve been engaged in a delightful exchange of messages, punctuated by laughter, until the ungodly hour of 2 AM – a congratulatory nod to you, as you might very well be ensnared in the labyrinthine realm of the Talking Stage. This phase, akin to a spark, often ignites with something as innocuous as a response to an Instagram story, and it metamorphoses into a sequence of days marked by the sharing of intimate thoughts, the exchange of textual banter, and the occasional rendezvous.
Beneath the façade of its seemingly uncomplicated name, the Talking Stage is a multifaceted ecosystem of interactions wherein both parties meticulously scrutinize and observe each other’s behavior, aiming to capture the most comprehensive and intricate portrayal of their personas.
One is left pondering: What are their preferences and proclivities? What triggers their aversions? How do they treat those in the service industry, reflecting their character? Do their values, dreams, and aspirations in the realm of matrimony and family life harmoniously resonate with one’s own? These probing inquiries all coalesce with the collective intent of fortifying the connection between the two individuals, nurturing it incrementally with every passing day.
Fortune may smile upon some, and their Talking Stage may conclude within a relatively succinct 1-2 month duration, catapulting them into the next chapter of their romantic journey. However, for others, it morphs into a never-ending saga of ceaseless story-watching, perpetually keeping both parties ensnared in a captivating narrative of curiosity, anticipation, and emotional intimacy.
2. The Origin of the Talking Stage
The term “Talking Stage” made its inaugural appearance in the linguistic lexicon back in 2017, adorning the annals of the Urban Dictionary, signifying the vernacular used by the Generation Z cohort to delineate the stage of courtship characterized by a tantalizing blend of emotional ambiguity and unfulfilled potential. It’s a phase that’s neither synonymous with advancement nor retreat; instead, it lingers in a fascinating state of liminality.
Fast forward to the year 2022, a period marked by the meteoric rise of TikTok and a myriad of other social media platforms, and the term “Talking Stage” has not merely thrived but has ascended to the zenith of viral prominence, accompanied by the ubiquitous hashtag #talkingstage, which, astonishingly, has garnered an astronomical tally of 3 billion views across various digital landscapes.
If you’ve ever had the privilege of being ensnared within the intricacies of a Talking Stage with a prospective partner, you likely possess an innate understanding of the mystique that envelops this term, beckoning individuals into an enchanting and often bewildering dance of interpersonal connection. Within this vibrant digital tapestry, content creators have woven a rich fabric of narratives and insights pertaining to the Talking Stage, elucidating its nuances and complexities. These narratives traverse the spectrum of human emotions, traversing themes such as vulnerability, anticipation, serendipity, and the inexorable passage of time.
3. “Why is the Talking Stage so Popular?
The Fear of Commitment in Relationships
Continuous Relationship Failures. Repeated failures in love can make a person apprehensive about committed relationships, especially when ending things with someone brings back unpleasant memories and the potential fear of abandonment yet again.
According to therapist Nicole Richardson, “The fear of commitment is being reinforced in the era of dating apps. We all tend to halt at this talking stage, only to start another talking stage with someone else.”
Pressure-Free and Fun Dating
Contrary to the past, where traditional dating came with many rules and expectations, Gen Z is breaking these stereotypes. They actively opt for a more natural and emotionally expressive approach by:
- Sharing music playlists with each other.
- Chatting and gauging each other’s moods through text messages.
- Sending memes and lighthearted content as a form of self-expression in love.
A Google survey of 300 people aged 18-24 revealed that over 20% of young adults consider texting via phone as a form of a “date.” This is the bright side of the talking stage, where dating becomes more relaxed.
However, an extended talking stage can lead you into a blurry and seemingly endless state, similar to situationships, delusionships, and other toxic relationship types.
No one enjoys prolonged and futile periods of getting to know each other. It can be exhausting, draining your energy for an uncertain future.
Want to escape the talking stage? Dialogue to clarify the type of relationship both of you are seeking.
According to Cosmopolitan, relationship expert Stephanie Mintz points out that dating needs today are more complex than ever.
“You want love and commitment, while the other person just wants a convenient pit stop – the goals of the two people are inherently different, which is why this relationship becomes terrible.”
The solution lies in clear and transparent communication from the start. When both parties come together with the same purpose, building a relationship becomes more cohesive and less challenging. That’s also why modern dating apps, like Bumble, allow you to disclose whether you’re looking for a committed relationship or something more casual, promoting greater alignment in expectations from the outset.
3. Why do you seem to be stuck in the talking stage?
From being someone who stayed up until 2 AM texting with you to becoming just another name in your contacts – yet another relationship ending after only a few weeks. You were once excited to see their notifications, and then quietly witnessed another (or several) names fading into the past.
Late-night texts, spontaneous coffee dates, art gallery strolls… you two could have spent months appearing in each other’s lives. Everything seemed fine until you started investing too much of your emotions and needed an official status, while the other person didn’t.
Let’s explore the psychological reasons:
Conflict in What You Seek and What They Seek
If you’re looking for love and encounter someone who prefers to keep things vague, you both might not be on the same page from the get-go. No matter how hard you try to prolong the talking stage for 3 months or even a year, the inevitable end was apparent from the start.
However, it’s essential to realize that the person who prefers to keep things vague isn’t necessarily at fault in the relationship.
According to Relationship Consultant Stephanie Mintz, “Ambiguity can work if they communicate their needs clearly from the beginning. The key lies in mutual agreement. If both individuals come together for a situationship, then there’s nothing wrong because they both have what they want.”
Objectively, the reason your talking stage fails often lies in the disparity in your intentions right from the beginning.
“To minimize conflicts, the best solution is to have straightforward conversations about what you’re looking for before progressing into the talking stage,” suggests Stephanie.
Fear of Commitment, Avoidant Attachment
This is the scenario where both of you have fantastic conversations, but the moment you seek more closeness, they push you away.
According to the attachment theory by psychologist John Bowlby, individuals with an avoidant attachment tend to prioritize their self-interest, struggle with expressing emotions, and delay their responsibilities in relationships.
Now that you’ve identified the reasons, how can you deal with those names in the talking stage without feeling perplexed?
4. Three Strategies to Successfully Navigate Beyond the Talking Stage”
Entering with a Relaxed Mindset
Many liken modern dating to a “psychological battle,” and this perception is not entirely baseless.
Your mindset from the very beginning of the talking stage sets the foundation for how your relationship will develop. If you enter into text exchanges with a constant fear of being abandoned, you’re setting yourself up for insecurity right from the start of the talking stage.
Assuming roles like “the one pursuing” or “the one being pursued” in a relationship can silently influence your perception throughout the talking stage. To navigate this mind game, writer Molly Burford suggests loosening expectations or even beginning with a friendship. Ensure that the talking stage unfolds as naturally as possible. This way, you get to be yourself and witness the other person for who they are.
Maintaining a relaxed mindset also boosts your confidence when sending a message, initiating a conversation, or scheduling a date. You won’t place excessive expectations on the outcome, which empowers you to handle the unpredictable nature of the relationship with greater strength.
Don’t Stay Silent and Guess, Express Your Desires Actively
What would you think if someone you’re getting to know seriously tells you they’re looking for a committed relationship?
It might sound outdated, but straightforward communication is the shortest path to both individuals being themselves in the talking stage.
A common barrier for Gen Z today is the fear of appearing needy or too eager for love. When you summon the courage to reveal your true feelings for them, you also accept the risk that they might lose interest.
The only distance between two people is a single conversation where both dare to communicate openly about their intentions.
So, according to Cosmopolitan, sharing that you’re looking for a committed relationship requires a great deal of courage for someone to shed their armor. When both individuals are clear about their goals, building the talking stage becomes less painful and healthier for everyone involved.
Learn to Identify “Red Flags” in the Talking Stage
Have you ever sought advice from all corners because you felt perplexed and uneasy within your own talking stage?
The other person may text you for an entire year, yet there is no progress, constantly leaving you questioning their feelings for you – this is also a red flag in the talking stage.
Pooja Priyamvada, a Life Coach in Seattle, identifies the following red flags you should be cautious of in the talking stage:
- The relationship is one-sided, for instance, they only seek you out to vent without caring about your feelings (trauma-dumping).
- They frequently evade serious discussions.
- Their interest fluctuates, causing discomfort. For example, they only remember you at random times, like 3 AM.
- They want to talk endlessly without taking any meaningful steps forward.
Most of our uncomfortable feelings stem from ignoring red flags and persistently pursuing an unstable love. Deciding to end the talking stage may be challenging, but it will ultimately provide you with long-term relief.